My husband had a gay affair
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Infidelity and Forgiveness: The Complexities of Coming Out in a Straight Relationship
By Loren A. Olson, MD, DLFAPA
All relationships have rules, but sometimes those rules get broken. When we are in a bond, we expect that our partner will keep our interests in mind even if he or she is tempted to disregard the rules. When the rules are violated, the wrongdoer may be called on to account for his or her deed. Sexual infidelity is the epitome of “rule breaking” and can disrupt or end meaningful relationships.
I recognize something about breaking rules because I was married with two children when I unexpectedly fell in love with a bloke. Things suddenly shifted inside my head, and I went from thinking I was straight to knowing I was gay; nothing else could explain what I felt.
By most measures, my marriage was good. My wife and I were best friends and had an acceptable sex life. Shortly before I came out to my wife, she had no idea about my conflict concerning my sexual orientation.
Research on gay men has frequently focused on fidelity and the capacity to sustain long-term relationships. Yet almost nothing has been written about men who have sex with
Is my husband having an affair with a man?
DEAR DEIDRE: Although he flatly denies it, I’m certain my husband has been having a gay affair.
He went to a song festival with a male he met in a fan group, and I’m sure they slept together.
I’m 39 and my husband is 41. We possess a six-year-old son.
A scant months ago, my husband joined a fan organization for a fishing demonstrate he watched on TV.
He got talking to another man, and came out as bisexual to him - and then to me.
I’d had my suspicions about his sexuality, so I was very unhappy that he told this man about his sexuality first, especially when we’d vowed never to maintain secrets from each other.
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After he came out as bi, things changed. There were phone calls from dinner time through to midnight most nights.
The man would even phone my husband when he was in the bath.
Things became so bad that I h
Anybody else whose husband has had gay affair?
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- BrokenGirl
- Posted by
- New Member
I am getting divorced because my husband has been having a lgbtq+ affair for over a year. He says he's not gay, just curious. But I can't really believe that it would've gone on for so long if he really didn't like it. I feel all the usual betrayal and shock over the deceipt etc. But more than that I feel horrible considering I had no idea that he was that way inclined, and I perceive used that he married me 6 years ago despite having these inclinations.
Is there anyone else out there who has been through something similar?
- shropshirelass
- Premium Member
Hi Brokengirl
Yes I have only mine used the pardon that he didn't romance me and that he had never loved me, when asked why he married me, he replied got carried away with the momen
What Would You Perform If You Start Out Your Husband Was Gay?
It’s amusing. As he came out of the closet, I felt like I was being forced in. No-one understood. No-one really knew what to say. When he came out, he was greeted with encouragement and affirmation. There were support groups for gay married men, forums where he could discuss what he was going through. He was finally being accurate to himself, forging a new individuality, taking his destiny into his control hands. I was left alone to pick up the pieces. Unseen. Unheard.
We met in our late teens and the attraction was instant: he was very cute, and always had a bevy of adoring women hanging out of him, but he seemed to only have eyes for me. We had the alike sense of humour, liked the similar things, and six weeks later, we hooked up and were one of the first couples in the gang to marry and settle down.
The first question everyone asks me is, did I have any idea back then about his sexuality? Any inkling? And the answer is no, I didn’t. But then again, I don’t reflect he did either. Not really. We were young and fairly innocent. I, for one, didn’t have much to compare it to. Our sex animation was normal, even though it was usually on his terms, b
Since my essay, “My Husband Is Having an Affair...With a Man,” was published, I have received many, many comments. Although some of the comments were supportive, many of them were challenging, such as this one:
Sadly, most married, closeted gay men are manipulative, narcissistic con artists who only think about themselves with only occasional feelings of guilt and remorse. Their decision to leave or linger in their marriages is never out of consideration for the wife. [The comments—mostly from women—have been edited slightly]. Her comment made me angry and defensive.
I really am sorry for your pain. I be aware that anything more I say risks suggesting that you’re not entitled to your pain. That is not my intent.
My father died in a farm accident when I was 3 years old, creating a cloud that cast a dark shadow over me for most of my early life. Three themes dominated my thoughts: 1. Creature a man was dangerous. 2. If I survived, I would be the best father any kid ever had. 3. My father’s death fractured my sense of manliness. These things nourished my denial of my same-sex attractions.
By “denial,” I perform not mean lying; lying is a conscious choice. Denial is one of the psychologi