What can i say exoect your gay
March 02, 2017
The Epidemic of
Gay LonelinessBy Michael Hobbes
I
“I used to get so thrilled when the meth was all gone.”
This is my partner Jeremy.
“When you contain it,” he says, “you have to keep using it. When it’s gone, it’s like, ‘Oh good, I can go back to my life now.’ I would wait up all weekend and go to these sex parties and then touch like shit until Wednesday. About two years ago I switched to cocaine because I could work the next day.”
Jeremy is telling me this from a hospital bed, six stories above Seattle. He won’t tell me the exact circumstances of the overdose, only that a stranger called an ambulance and he woke up here.
Jeremy is not the buddy I was expecting to have this conversation with. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea he used anything heavier than martinis. He is trim, intelligent, gluten-free, the considerate of guy who wears a function shirt no matter what day of the week it is. The first time we met, three years ago, he asked me if I knew a good place to do CrossFit. Today, when I ask him how the hospital’s been so far, the first thing he says is that there’s no Wi-F
How Should Christians Respond to Gay Friends or Family Members?
Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. ’07) is an alumnus of Biola’s Talbot School of Theology, lead pastor of a large church in Simi Valley, Calif., and a married father of two. He’s also an emerging voice in the discussion of how Christians should engage the LGBT community. That’s because Kaltenbach has an insider perspective, having been raised by a dad and mom who divorced and independently came out of the closet as a male lover man and a queer woman . Raised in the midst of LGBT parties and pride parades, Kaltenbach became a Christian and a pastor as a juvenile adult. Today, he manages the tension of holding to the traditional biblical teaching on sexuality while loving his gay parents.
Kaltenbach’s unique story is detailed in his new novel Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction and landed him on the front page of the New York Times in June. Biola Magazine reached out to him to talk about his guide and his perspective on how Christians can beat navigate the complexities of this issue with fact and grace.
In your publication you say that it’s time for Christians to own the issu Some Christians respond to this argument with what seems to be the only alternative: by saying that those who identify as same-sex attracted choose to be queer . This response is usually met with so much derision—“With all the homophobia in the world, who would choose to be gay??”. . . “Did you choose to be straight??”—that it’s seldom helpful. In one sense, of course, it’s true. If by gay you mean “a person who engages in homosexual behavior,” then God doesn’t make someone same-sex attracted any more than he makes someone an adulterer, a fornicator, or a man who has relations with just his wife. God doesn’t make people engage in any sexual behaviors. We freely decide all our moral actions—that’s why we can be held accountable for them. But when most people speak, “God made me gay,” they’re talking about attractions (which they consider part of a God-given identity) rather than behaviors. Although, this implies that they’re also talking about whether it’s okay to act upon those desires, since it seems self-evident to most people that we can act according to how we’re made. In instruct to make that obvious, when someone says that God made him same-sex attracted, or that he makes Gay. Gay. Gay. I’ve never wanted to say it more. Florida’s infuriating “Don’t Say Gay” regulation has given fresh power to an old word. Just look at the T-shirts and object signs: “#SayGay” is the new “We’re here. We’re queer.” The law, which prohibits discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity in a manner that is not “developmentally appropriate,” is deliberately, devilishly vague. But it has made me think about the words I decide to use and not use—about the good words and the bad. As a children’s writer and the father of twins, I excel at censoring myself. The first book I wrote, The Name of This Book Is Secret, I set the word damn in it. A harmless word, I thought. Who could object? It stayed until the Scholastic Book Club demanded I take it out—or else they’d take my guide off their very lucrative list. That was 12 titles ago, and I haven’t included a single damn since. Never mind an asshole or even a bitch. As for our family, I’d originally envisioned a more bohemian lifestyle, with midnight dinners and toddlers who swore like sailors. But that fantasy ended as soon as the twins could talk. As gay dads Some same-sex attracted men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go dwelling with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch. Here’s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don’t perceive they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They’ll request me why they experience so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn’t cool or manly to object to their partner’s sexual behavior. In other words, they notice shame for experiencing offend by the actions of their long-term partners. Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the standard social response when friends are told about poverty-stricken relationship behavior among linear people. When gay men tell the same heartbreaking stories they are less likely to get a big response. LGBTQ
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